All I want for Christmas is Jew
by Bramblestarofsunclan
Summary: There is only one thing Cartman needs this Christmas! Kyman alert! Don't like don't read!


_**Here is my Christmas story for this year! Kyman alert by the way, don't like don't read!**_

Eric Theodore Cartman sighs as he approaches the set up in the mall where young screaming kids get their picture taken with a fake Santa Claus. At thirteen years old he is far too old for sitting on Santa Claus's lap or even believing in the old man in fact and if any of his friends found out about this he would be dead for sure, but this year he needs all of the luck he can get.

Now in the eighth grade, Cartman hasn't changed a single bit. He is still the fat, racist, anti-Semite, asshole with the yellow and blue poof-ball hat on top. But one thing has changed inside the boy though something that pisses Cartman off like almost anything else in this world.

The fat-boy stares at the Santa Claus display and almost turns away to go inside the Hollister that is near by. _No _he thinks to himself _I have to do this. _

Cartman walks over to the line up where a man about 23 years old with bad acne dressed up as an elf is standing looking unimpressed. The young man watches Eric approach him in confusion.

"Aren't you a little old to be doing this kid?" He asks flatly.

Cartman's heart sinks inside him. He knew this would happen! "Look asshole I don't want to make this a big deal just let me see Santa!"

The 23 year old shrugs and steps aside so Cartman can get in the line. "Stupid fucking job!" he scowls to himself.

As Cartman waits in line he can't help but feel a little embarrassed. He is defiantly the oldest in the line up of kids. Except for the Mom's of course who is either trying to calm down their crying kids or telling their offspring what to say. Drilling them on what to give them for Christmas. Cartman watches a small family in front of him which contains a young mother who is crouching down to her five year daughter and three year old son's height.

"And what are you going to ask Santa for Christmas?" she asks happily.

"A Zhu-Zhu pet!" exclaims the five year old with a big bright smile and a small bounce that makes her brown curly hair bounce.

"A fire truck." Answers the young boy not quite as enthusiastically as his sister looking down at the floor of the mall.

"I wish I was asking for something as simple as that!" whispers Cartman to himself. Usually he just writes his Mom a giant list of a million things he wants for Christmas and it's done and over with but this year he needs all the luck he can get. He has written a letter for Santa already, wished on anything that could be wished upon and more.

Cartman looks over at the mall. There are sparkling decorations of stars hanging from the ceiling and a giant Christmas tree that is almost too perfect in the middle of the mall. Tons of people from all over are scurrying for store to store buying hundreds of dollars worth on decorations and presents for friends, family, and loved ones.

Just then Cartman's eyes grow wide as he sees Shelly Marsh step out of a TNA followed by Stan who is looking a little bored. "Shit!" Cartman whispers as he watches the two of them walk around the mall. Cartman hates Stan because he hates hippies and Stan can be involved as a hippie. After all he is all for saving the animals and cares about the environment.

Cartman turns around so Stan can't see his face if Stan is too look at the Santa area of the mall. Cartman looks at the fake Santa who is sitting on a fake throne like chair with a small 4 year old girl sitting on his knee giving him a large list of toys to buy her. The Santa looks over at the photographer as if to say "make her shut up please!"

Eric smiles and turns back to the busy mall hoping that Stan is gone. To his luck Cartman sees that Shelly has dragged her boy younger brother into a Campus Crew.

Cartman laughs. "Sucker!" he mutters.

"Next!" Says a bored voice from behind the camera. Cartman looks over to see a 16 teen year old girl dressed up also in an elf outfit but hers has a small skirt on it.

Cartman takes a deep breath just about ready to bail from the whole entire thing but takes a step onto the platform of the Santa's house living room looking set.

"Well ho-ho-ho don't who do we have here?" bellows the fat-man in a very jolly voice.

"Eric Cartman." Cartman mutters and sits down next to the man. "Look you can cut the crap with Santa thing I am thirteen now!" He whispers in the man's ear cheeks growing red.

"Well then what do you want for Christmas?" the Santa asks with a slight nod.

"Well what I want is something you can't get in stores." Cartman starts looking at his feet.

"Oh what is it? Good will to all men? The end of wars? No more hunger?"

"What! No!" Cartman yelps at the thought of asking for such things. The thought brings shivers up his spine. Maybe he shouldn't have said that. Now he will have to tell the Santa what he wants for Christmas.

"It's something, well, someone else. Someone I have treated like shit my entire life but I love so much!" Cartman exclaims.

The man smiles. "And who is that?"

Cartman sighs feeling a little bit light headed about to tell his deepest darkest secret to a complete stranger in a Santa suit. "All I want for Christmas is Jew." He says finally, his heart feeling light at the thought of Kyle in his mind.

"Well if you love this Jewish girl so much you should tell her how you feel! And give her something cute too, something that expresses how much you care about her!" The Santa suggests and reaches over to the basket of tiny candy canes and gives Cartman one. "Merry Christmas and good luck,"

"Sweet," Eric replies eyeing the candy cane. "And um, thanks." He says jumping up.

He walks away noticing that the Santa thought that the person he loves is a girl. He knew he was right not to correct him. Coming out of the closet to a mall Santa would be just too weird.

Before leaving the mall Cartman stops at Kyle's favorite store, Chapters. Cartman a hater of reading has never stepped foot in a Chapters before and now here he is standing at the outside of the bookstore almost a little scared.

"God help me." He whispers as he steps in. Many shoppers are inside buying books for Christmas gifts while the song "This Christmas." by Christina Aguilera plays in the background.

Cartman thinks for a moment wondering what book he should buy Kyle. Finally a book idea comes to his mind. At school he has noticed a lot of the girls reading some book called _The Hunger Games_. Not knowing of any other book to buy the Jew Cartman grabs himself one of the last copies of the book on the shelf.

Feeling content, book in hand the fat-ass walks over to the cash-register when another book catches the corner of his eye. _Under the Dome_ by Stephen King is placed on a display near by him. "Kahl would probably like this better." Cartman says to himself even though the book is slight a bit more expensive then the other one.

He places the first book he grabbed onto the display and takes _Under the Dome_.

Cartman heart beats quicken as he presses the doorbell of the Broflovski's home. He almost runs away but Kyle answers the door just before he is about to go.

"Cartman?" Kyle says in disbelief when he sees fat-ass standing at his door. "What do you want this time?" he asks knowing Cartman is going to ask for something. He always seems to whenever he shows up at Kyle's door.

"Kahl, I know I have been an asshole to you from the beginning. But Kahl it is only to cover up my love to you. I love you Kahl and I want to be with you." Cartman just says fast so it is less painful like taking off a band-aid.

Kyle stares at Cartman in disbelief. His green eyes distant in thoughts and memories. The thing that Cartman does not know is that Kyle has loved the fat-boy for years, but he has been scared to come out of the closet to him or anyone. Not even to his best friend Stan. Now even though he doesn't know it Eric Cartman is doing him a big favor.

"I-I don't know what to say." He starts lost in words.

Cartman hands Kyle the book he bought earlier that day knowing that it might convince the Jew into loving him.

"Happy Hanukkah Kahl." He says as he hands it over.

"I love you too Cartman." Kyle finally says and the two of them hug, the years of hatred behind them and a new beginning ahead of them. Like _Twilight_ the lion fell in love with the lamb but a little less gay, The Nazi fell in love with the Jew.

_**Well Merry Christmas peoples! I know its a little cliché but I like it! No offense to any Twilight fans at the ending. Love you all, Bramblestar. **_


End file.
